oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
