dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
