hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
