I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
