my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
