i just had sex bonerless
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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