you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
