fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
