butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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