just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
