True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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