i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I cut my penus on the lid.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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