i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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