In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
