OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
