Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
