I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
