I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
