You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
