I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she told me i tasted like america
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
