You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
