The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
