Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
