i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
