walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
