If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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