I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
