my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
