when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this will be a night to untag.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
