at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
