She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
