I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
