I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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