Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
