it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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