Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
