I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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