can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
