Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
