I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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