I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that's an acceptable place to lick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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