dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
