At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm really busy with my period
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