So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
