So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
