Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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