First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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