i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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