Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
worst night to have a conscience
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
