You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
