bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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