I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
