Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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