Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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