i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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